Health, Mental Health, Parenting, Postpartum and Beyond

Not Mine

Last week I had a difficult thought. My body is not my own.

I wake up every day and I get my daughter dressed and ready for the day. I feed her, clean the house, and play with her. Generally I’m cleaning while holding her or trying to keep her busy. I hold her until she sleeps and some days while she sleeps. I get bit, scratched, and have my attention demanded for all day. Then, I bathe her and help her to bed.

Then, my husband comes home or he’s already home, and now he wants to cuddle, be sexual, or in general just have some sort of physical contact. In general, all of those things are great. After a long day of having to care for someone else, it can make my skin crawl to even think about more physical contact at the end of the day.

I feel terrible writing it out. I’m a mom now. If my daughter or house (as in any cleaning to be done) needs something then I take care of them first. It should be easy to take care of my daughter and house all day and not feel used up at the end of the day. It’s not though. It can be draining and even violating to be constantly touched and needed by someone all day.

This is a feeling and thought that should be discussed more. It should also be normalized. I know I’m a good mom. I know I try my best every day. The days when I feel gross when someone touches me makes me feel like I’m a failure, a bad mom, and a bad wife.

I’m none of those things and if you’ve felt similarly to me, neither are you. It’s normal to feel used up after taking care of someone else all day. It’s also normal to want to not feel like sex is being expected at the end of a long day like that. If we’re cuddling or hugging (specifically my husband and I), is the butt and/or boob grab necessary?

Well, it’s okay. It’s okay if you’re feeling like you want to be in a no touch bubble. It’s okay if you don’t want to have sex. It’s okay and you’re doing good.

Remember to vocalize to your partner how you’re doing. Vocalize to a friend or family that some days you just feel exhausted of being touched all the time. A chat with your partner can help put you on a track to where you will feel sexual again. It will at least stop the unwanted grabs that instantly turn you off at least. A chat with a friend/family will help you get everything off your chest. They may even be able to related to you so you’ll know that you’re not alone in feeling like this.

To the parents feeling like their body doesn’t belong to them, you’re not alone and it’s okay. Things will get better and until they do, do not feel like you’re not good enough.

Did anyone you know warn you that you may experience any of these feelings? During my pregnancy I don’t think anyone gave me that warning. It was all just “you’re never going to sleep again” comments and general “your life will be so different”.

As always, let me know what you think! Would telling an expecting parent that these feelings may come be helpful or just scare them?

Thank you for stopping by and I will see you next time!

8 thoughts on “Not Mine”

  1. This is such an important topic and one that needs to be talked about more often and more openly! So many women are struggling with these feelings in silence, feeling like they should just accept it because it’s ‘normal’.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Thank you for sharing this. Honestly, I felt the same way, and I did feel guilty for it. I never expected to feel this way, although I think it would have helped if someone had mentioned it to me beforehand.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Yes, we have all been there as mothers and wives, I believe. I’ve also written a few things on this subject because you are right, not a lot of people talk about how we actually feel only what we are “supposed” to feel. Thanks for sharing and being so real.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. One more time for the folks in the back!
    Seriously, my “no touch bubble” formed during pregnancy – I literally shrunk back when people had the nerve to touch my stomach – and is just barely starting to go away (youngest is 18mo). It makes me feel horrible to want to just be by myself and I know it hurts my husband’s feelings which only makes me feel worse 😖 This is such an important message to spread! Thank you so much for putting it out there.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It’s insane how becoming pregnant automatically makes people thinking touching is ok! Thank you so much for your comment. I know it’s hard at times, but remember there’s others with you! I’ll keep shouting it out until people finally hear it.

      Like

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