Postpartum and Beyond

My Hospital Stay Regret

Around nine in the morning on August 29, 2019, my husband, brand new baby, and I were transferred into our hospital room. A short while later my parents arrived. My husband’s mother wasn’t able to visit (I delivered sooner than expected). I adore my mother-in-law, but it was nice not to seem put together for another person.

I’m relatively close with my parents and I’m thankful that they were able to meet their grandbaby pretty much immediately, but looking back at it now, I think I would actually skip out on having visitors at the hospital. I would’ve really liked to use that time to be with my husband and Little P.

Overall, the number of visitors we had was pretty low. My parents and there was a family friend that stopped by. My parents stopped by multiple times throughout the day. The family friend came unannounced with my dad, which I didn’t appreciate, but that’s beside the point.

Every time people came to visit it felt like everything stopped and the focus went to them. I was exhausted, my husband was exhausted, and everyone just wanted to see and hold the baby. At that point, your baby needs to eat every two hours and (if you’re like me) then whenever your changing diapers it’s frustrating and difficult. You’re learning your baby and figuring out how to be a mom. My point here is, you’re not getting a lot of sleep and having visitors takes away time that you could be trying to nap.

I had a natural birth, so we only stayed in the hospital for about 24 hours, not including the whole birth process. I would probably feel differently if we had the C-Section as planned. We would’ve been in the hospital for three to four days. That’s a much longer time to be there. There’s more time to recover (as there should be) and a few friendly faces would be a welcome sight after a surgery like that.

For my circumstances though, I would’ve like to take everything in with my brand new little family and dealt with the greetings and celebrating once we were at home and comfortable. So, for my next baby (if there is a next baby), I think I will ask visitors to please wait until we’ve left the hospital to say their hellos.

So, what do you think? Are you all for the hospital visitors after a birth or do you want your space as well? I’m also curious if you’d be upset at not being invited to come to visit in the hospital.

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Updates

Motherhood Changes

Without a doubt, becoming a mother was the best thing that could have happened to me. I had my daughter and she helped me realize that I needed to change. I had no real purpose before her. I bounced around from job to job and while I was nice, I had a really short fuse and showed it. In the months following the birth of Little P, I was able to look at myself and things I wanted to change in my life and finally make those changes.

I don’t think babies are a cure for your life troubles. They’re not a BandAid to fix a relationship or to turn you into a better person. I did not have my daughter and then magically become who I’ve always wanted to be. I still have numerous flaws and I’m still working to maintain the positive changes that I have made. It took me a month (possibly even two or three) to recognize that it was finally time for me to be more than I felt I was.

I’ve become more understanding since becoming a mother. It was easy for me to feel like I was understanding before. Sure, I understood that you had a bad day or maybe the dog didn’t quite understand what I was trying to get him to do, but it was so easy for me to snap and get angry even though I “understood” what was going on with the other person.

Since having Little P, I get it. It’s not a baby’s fault that the only way they can express things is by crying. It’s not always a person’s fault if they’re snapping at people either. As adults, we should know not to snap at people if they didn’t do anything wrong, but it’s also bound to happen because we’re not perfect.

I have also noticed that I tend to take my frustrations out on other people. I’m learning to watch the tone in my voice and learning not to just lash out at people. I want my daughter to be able to have pleasant interactions with people even if she isn’t in the best of moods. I want to be able to model that behavior for her.

Being a mother has made me both more determined and more flexible. Am I going to get her to stop crying? You’re damn right. I’m also going to help her however she needs. If my feet hurt but she wants me to walk her around, then I guess we’re walking. It seems like a given applying it to my child, but the same goes with other things. My husband in a bad mood and I want to cheer him up? Guess what honey? You’re going to be in a great mood, but what do you need me to do to help you get there? Am I going to get the dishes done? Yes. Will it be now? Maybe not, Little P needs attention right now and that’s fine.

Becoming a mother has been one of the greatest experiences of my life. It is an eye-opening experience (as I’m sure becoming a father is). For me, it has helped me make changes to myself so I can be better for my daughter. This has become an opportunity to not only watch how my daughter grows and prospers but to see how I have also grown throughout the months and years.

Some Thoughts

I want to reiterate that having a child is not a magical fix all for any problems. It’s not a baby’s responsibility to make your life better. This is just a personal account of how having a child inspired me to become something more.

So, what are your thoughts? Did having a baby inspire you to make any changes in your life or make you more aware of some less positive aspects of your personality?